The crazy quest of Mr Plato and his faithful side-kicks for houmous

13 June 2003

Houmous

Initially present were Mr Davey Jose, Mr Fremlin, Mr Plato, Jefferson, Mr Koeppe, Mr Backhouse (who provided the blessed toaster) and Mr Abstract, (who provided the blessed blender, may it rest in peace, along with Mr Backhouse). Later arrived Mr Cranch and Mr Kirmani. Music was provided by Handsome Boy Modeling School, Portishead and some non-descript "rock" bands. Reporting is Mr Plato. Jefferson and Mr Cranch washed up.

On Friday the 13th of June THICKO convened for a spontaneous houmous brewing session at the request of Mr Plato, who went to Sainsburgs to buy some chick peas and tahini. He and Mr Koeppe proceeded to Jefferson's room whilst Mr Fremlin bought more chick peas and some pitta.

The majority of the brewing was performed by Mr Koeppe and Mr Plato, with Mr Abstract acting as His Majesty's Official Taster. After much consternation it was decided that the original batch was bitter since severely lacking in chick peas. One and a half further tins were added to the two already present in one jars worth of tahini.

At approximately the same time it was noticed that the blender smelled of electrical burning and was getting very hot. Mr Abstract warned Mr Plato of the operating limits of the machine. Mr Plato ignored him.

Some time during the processing of the fourth tin of chick peas the blender passed away. Although a secular prayer was said for its health by the Pope it refused to recover despite the best efforts of Mr Plato, who put it in a cupboard. This left the party with one batch of completed houmous and one of partially completed houmous.

Tasting of the brew started immediately after Mr Plato had come to terms with the demise of the blender. The Official Taster awarded the batch with more chick peas a score of N out of Z. Mr Plato described it as the worst houmous he had ever had the misfortune of being involved in the preparation of. No one else enjoyed it either, and much of the evil stuff remained at the end of the afternoon.

It was decided to appoint a subcommittee to discuss the safest and quickest way to dispose of the left-over biohazard. Various proposals discussed included burning it, taking it to the bottom of the ocean and putting it in a subduction zone, throwing it all over John's fields and encasing it in six feet of cement and burying it in a very deep hole. For reasons of practicality and public safety it was decided to throw it away in Jefferson's kitchen dustbin.

Worth remarking is that during a disagreement on the quality of Sainsburgs own-brand houmous Mr Fremlin ordered that Mr Plato jump from Jefferson's kitchen window. He refused.

During the afternoon Mr Plato was strong enough to lift both Mr Fremlin and Mr Cranch (separately).

John Fremlin

Last modified: Sun Jun 22 22:33:40 BST 2003